Two Beyonces Walk Into A Bar

A Flash Funny Friday

I’ve joined, on a very short-time basis, the ranks of the 9-5ers. And with a full time job comes the highly beloved pastime of sitting in the hot car for long periods of time twice a day. It should come as no surprise that people can get a bit… tense under such circumstances. Now, in the same ten minute stretch last week, two people had very different reactions to this tension.

First, a man behind me in a big, jacked-out truck (not that I’m stereotyping but… you know the one), blared his horn at each intersection , letting me know quite forcefully that he didn’t care for my not wanting to clog up the intersection by trying to squeeze through on the yellow. Of course, people would have undoubtedly honked me into oblivion had I decided to block up the intersection. But that’s the nature of rush hour. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, and every person is out for themselves.

Faced with the undeniably annoying situation of rush hour traffic, and in a big hurry to go nowhere, the man cracked under the pressure. I wish I could say that a huge robot came and smashed this man’s truck into oblivion (after giving him enough time to scramble out to safety… keeping him safe… of course… obviously).

Later on down the road, completely unfazed by anyone honking at or around me, I rolled my windows down (bad A/C on a 90-some-odd day), and turned the music up. Now, for anyone who doesn’t know me personally, I’m pretty much the next pop-superstar waiting to be discovered. So, naturally, I’m singing loudly (and completely on key) when I pull up to a red light that has a turn lane to merge onto the highway.

In the turn lane, I notice a girl with her windows down. Not wanting to be that guy I turn my music down, waiting to go again. Not one to back out of a challenge, the girl turns to look at me, perhaps seizing me up.

With a grin, she turns her own music up and begins (far better, I might add) signing at the top of her lungs. And now, according to official Rush Hour Sing Off Rules, I must do the same. We sit next to each other for several seconds, in blissful competition on a hot summer day.

The light turns green. She turns, I stay straight, and we fade into the setting sun. Perhaps we’ll run into each other someday, on our separate tours around the world. But until then, we’ll never know who won Rush Hour Idol.

When the highway of life makes you crazy you do have a choice: You can nitpick everything you see and scream, or you can roll the windows down, and belt with everything The Good Lord gave you.

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Bryce Van Vleet is a psychology undergraduate based in the Pacific Northwest. He is a lover of words, terrible video-game player, and frequent drinker of soda and other sugary drinks.

The next Funny Friday will be posted on August 3rd.